Yeah, I am bloggin about American Idol

This week's American Idol results show sent me into a bit of a tailspin of inner blabbing. I've actually been able to edit my own inner monologue these days, thanks largely to this blog. I have a basic two bin thought process of late...I start thinking a thought, I stop myself and ask whether or not I would want to blog about this thought, essentially rating its inherent bloggability - inventing your own words is perfectly kosher, ask Lewis Carrol. If it is blog-worthy, I continue with that line of thought, if not I chuck it in the do not think on such things bin. AKA the garbage can of my mind.

Somehow tonight's American Idol has managed to stay out of the mental trash and thoughts about it are running, sprinting even, through my brain. I must get these thoughts out, so I am forced to write about American Idol.

First of all: Reuben Studdard (I probably should google that spelling-but I won't for now) was a snoozefest. Despite the fact that i strongly dislike morbid obesity, I don't think it is appropriate for the formerly properly appelled "Velvet Teddy Bear" to lose weight. He now, inappropriately, looks like the tortured Velveteen Rabbit. Plus his singing was booooooooooooorrrrrring...zzzzzzzzz, oh, good it's over.

Luckily, Ryan came on the scene and by way of acting like he LOST his mind took the spotlight quite off Reuben's less than exciting singing. Seriously, though, Ryan Seacrest has gone off the deep end of polite behavior. I am no fan of Simon Cowell, to be sure, I cringe when I find myself agreeing with him, but I in NO WAY condone Ryan gettting all up in Simon's personal space. I am a firm believer in the bubble, demarcated by an invisible arc whose radius is no less than an entire arm's length from one's center. Take two steps back and continue your speech, on second thought, nix that, and shut it.

The real highlight of the night came from none other than U-S-H-E-R. I love Usher, and I realize that many of you, especially those of you who are older than I, will demur (yeah that's right, I SAID DEMUR, and I used that word CORRECTLY, look it up...excuse me, almost fell down a rabbit hole there) but I love Usher. I guess he is cute in a clockwork orange meets R and B sort of way. And he can sing (despite some slightly off, due to breathlessness, thanks to singing and dancing moments) and he can dance. Plus he reminds me of my younger, carefree, day(s?) or a romantic notion I have of those days. What I loved most about Usher tonight was his use of the euphemism gosh. Well played, Usher. Way to use, and make your back-up singers use, and EVEN Will-I-am use the phrase Oh My gosh. It was so endearing to hear him use that phrase over an over. Perhaps to fully understand why, I will have to explain Jessica's hierarchy of filthy language. At the very top of the worst words is the do not utter name of G_d unless you are praying to Him. Second is the c word-and I'm guessing you all know why. Next is damn, because it is not our place to try to condemn our brother or sister to hell (followed closely on its heels by dang and dag because those words just SOUND SILLY). The low men on the curse totem pole (mostly cuz I LOVE using them) are the s word (which is not stupid, as my children think it is), the f word (because of its wonderful versatility - it could easily be my favorite word, despite the fact that it is extraordinarily naughty) and ass (because there are just so many opinions out there).

Then in a surprise, and seemingly desperate for attention twist, Diddy came out to perform. Really? Because I wasn't originally expecting a third performance, and then when I realized there would be one, I figured it would be another selection from Raymond V Raymond. Alas, no such luck, my ears were about to be full frontal assaulted by the non singing, non rapping stylizations of the D the I the D ... oh yea you guessed it, the megalomaniac Diddy. It seemed strange because Puff is so full of himself and performing on American Idol seems a little needy. Mostly, I just wasn't looking for a white clad seizure when I turned on the TV this evening, so when I found my self at the receiving end of a spasm inducing strobe light firing squad, I had to question the whole scene. After some consideration, I am just going to have to force this bunch of thoughts into the garbage bin, because it has already taken up too much of my time.

Finally, Kara DioG's apparent disconnect with the human condition as evidenced by her sad inability to comprehend the simple psychology behind Tim Urban smiling and laughing through week after week of hilariously vicious commentary and criticism put the final nail in my thought coffin and buried me alive with a heaping garbage pile of multi-directional mental discourse centered around American Idol. I really refuse to believe she is that stupid. You really don't understand why he is uncomfortably laughing at the insanely funny and yet devastatingly hurtful things you guys say to him, week in and week out, despite his sincere attempts to take in and obey your so called "constructive" criticism? Really? I don't buy it. You really think he doesn't understand what you are saying? Because your intellect is so lofty and your wordmsithing so devastatingly clever that his puny brain cannot fully wrap itself around your meaning? Because he is three years old and not twenty so his vocabulary and grasp of the English language has not yet developed properly? OK KARA you keep telling yourself that, because as it turns out, the joke is on you.

Despite all of this, I will tune in next week.