The Invention of Keeping Your Inner Monologue Inside

I just watched the Invention of Lying last night. While I find Ricky Gervais, Eloise Hawking, half the cast from the funniest canceled sitcom in America, Arrested Development, and Jennifer Garner (despite her unity with that devil, Ben Affleck) to be quite amusing; I must take issue with the use of the word lying. According to my old friends, Merriam and Webster - remind me to introduce you to them sometime, if you aren't yet besties with them - to lie is to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive. According to this movie not to lie is to say the first, and hopefully rudest, thing that pops into your mind, without weighing the merit of the statement or its necessity in the conversation.

This is, in fact, the same misconception employed by the average misanthrope who wishes to protect their cruelty toward others with the famous "I cannot tell a lie" defense. The implication given by both the movie and these honest to a fault folks is that propriety, kindness and measured silence (enjoy it) are dishonest and therefore not worthy of taking up the space they might occupy in the proverbial tool belt and as such are cast off and trampled under foot.


If someone doesn't ask you a question and the information is not germane to the discussion then, dear writer of The Invention of Lying, failing to publicize the details of YOUR constant inner monologue is not a lie. And should someone ask you a question that would elicit the outing of your thoughts, having a brain-to-mouth filter is not lying either. Just because you think it, doesn't make it true; and just because you don't say it doesn't make you deceitful.

I am a big fan of honesty, and by and large I do not espouse lying. But what about this one: Tell the truth in Love. You don't have to tell your friend their cooking sucks (well, it's the TRUTH), especially if they don't ask, just thank them for their generosity and hospitality - because that is both kind and true. You can remain silent during a disagreement rather than blurting out the hurtful (and TRUE) things that you want to say without compromising your integrity. And if and ONLY if, it is absolutely necessary to tell a person something that has the potential to hurt said person 1. Make sure you are the appropriate person to say it 2. Check your motivation 3. Use gentle words so that you stand a chance of being heard. Otherwise, let's just be honest with ourselves, we're just venting, and while it feels good and we all do it, let's not attempt to render our actions noble by saying not to do so would be lying. Cuz that just ain't true, y'all.